The Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) never really meant much to me before I had children and there was never any reason to think about the department after we adopted Elle. DCFS was for other people, people who abused and neglected their children, people who committed crimes and were on the local news at 6:00.
I have never hurt my children. I couldn’t hurt my children, they are extensions of myself, but lately I have come to fear DCFS. Both of my daughters have reactive attachment disorder (RAD). Elle’s RAD behaviors were always emotionless, conscienceless. We did have a run in with her school’s security officer, but that was because she had stolen two cell phones and an iPod in one day. The police officer was supportive of me as he tried to scare the poo out of Elle. Two years later and hours on a therapist’s couch have led to a healthier and happier Elle.
But, Bunny is a different story. Her RAD behaviors are more explosive and emotional. She has threatened to run away countless times, she throws things, breaks things, hits me, and once even grabbed a knife off the kitchen counter when she was in the middle of one her tantrums. Most of the time, we have to restrain her and put her in her room, the only place we know where she is safe and will calm down. But getting a kicking and flailing six year old into her room without her getting hurt is getting harder and harder.
Bunny likes to blame people for her problems. She likes to cry and complain that we hurt her as we escort her to her room. Fortunately, Bunny tantrums don’t happen very often, but I’m never certain she won’t take her anger out on us…by blaming us. What better way to get back at Mom and Dad than by telling her teacher we hurt her?
I knew a couple once whose daughter had shaken baby syndrome. The hospital was required to call the police and the little girl was taken away from her parents until the authorities could investigate. The couple did not hurt their child, it was the babysitter who had caused the damage, but that didn’t stop the DCFS from becoming involved.
That is my fear. It is well documented by Bunny’s therapist that she is increasingly becoming more violent, but that only helps after we are carted off to the pokey. If Bunny went to school one day and told her teacher that her mommy gave her the bruise on her leg (when she got while running around the living room furniture), her teacher would be required by law to call the authorities.
But, after Bunny’s parent/teacher conference last month where we shared our concerns for Bunny’s behavior, I feel better. Having discussed Bunny’s RAD with her teacher when school started, she has been very supportive of our therapy and she has become part of Team Bunny. She assured us she would never call the authorities without contacting us first. She understands.
It is all about communication…and not being afraid. The DCFS are not bogeymen. They just want to make sure our children our safe.
